Review: DAY OF THE MUMMY (2014)

Oh Boy, what a Shit! I already knew that this direct to Video B-Movie wouldn´t be exactly a cinematic Delectation but the very Amount of Horseshit that hit me here was surprising. So, Danny Glover is in it. Danny “LETHAL WEAPON” Glover. But his Role shouldn´t really count as a real Role because we only see him in a minimized Window on the lower Left of the Screen because he plays the Financier of an archeological Expedition with the Purpose to steal a giant Diamond from an undiscovered Tomb. So he´s like paying this Egyptologist a whole lot of Cash for him to get the Stone and wear some kind of cheap IGLASS Knockoff so he can see through his Eyes and stay in Contact with him throughout the whole Movie. Now, every now and then, Danny Glover starts yelling something from the Off and sits there with the same Clothes throughout the whole Movie. Like really, the whole Expedition probably lasts a couple of Weeks or at least Days, but they couldn´t even get Danny Glover to wear more than one Set of Clothes during the Shoot of this Trashcan. I guess in one Scene, he put over a Vest or something like that, but below it, he´s still wearing the same damn red Cloth as he would be living in it. Then, there is this, well, let´s call her Scientist. She´s accompanying the Egyptologist on the Trip, and the unbelievable Magnitude of the Actresses Lips was absolutely astonishing to me! Actually wanted to write “blew me away” but that would have been a new Low for me.
So yeah, she looks like she got Slapped by Mike Tyson or had twenty Hornets playing Darts with her Lips but that´s just another Nail in the Coffin of DAY OF THE MUMMY.

The Acting is infernal. I couldn´t really find one Actor in the whole Thing that delivered his Lines in a Way that could be seen as Acting. This was Soap Opera Niveau and I probably insulted the whole Soap Opera Acting Scene with that comment. But I don´t really blame the Amateur Actors for the bad performance; what really bugs me is how Danny Glover cashes in his Paycheck by having someone filming his Skype Calls or something like that. You know, I totally like him as an Actor, but with Stuff like this, people lose the Respect of you.  He was like some Guy in a bad Videogame and I can’t believe he isn´t able to get better Roles than this.

So, most Parts of the Movie take Place in a Cave. What I really have no problem with. There are Films like THE DESCENT where this works totally in favor of the Movie. But here, it doesn´t. Within in this Tomb, they find these ancient tables with hieroglyphs and they look totally new, out of the Box. They look like the UPS Deliver Guy just brought them over and it just doesn´t look like they tried to make em old. I am pretty sure it wouldn’t have been a problem to make them look aged somehow, but they didn´t even care about improving this Effect..and the whole Movie is like this. Nobody really cared. The dialogues are absolutely ridiculous and were actually so bad that they were actually unintentionally funny.

All over the Cave are burning Candles and not the Type of old Candles that you would expect in INDIANA JONES, but Candles you get over at the Quick-E Mart and the whole Place looks like the Mummy wanted to create a more romantic Setting for the Archeologists. Simply Ridiculous.

And now the biggest Problem… the abundant Lack of Mummies!  WHERE IS MY MUMMY?!? The Plot flows for around an Hour without anything happening and when the Mummy finally comes out to play around the 50 or 60 Minutes Mark, the Movie is over. I kid you not, there are only a few Minutes of Screentime for the eponymous Mummy. The one Thing i need to grant is that the Mummy looks alright and with a little bit fantasy you can imagine how creepy the Movie could have been if they tried a lil bit harder.